


With you I'm prepared for what is yet to come

by minttobe_treehill



Category: Shadowhunters (TV), The Shadowhunter Chronicles - Cassandra Clare
Genre: Cute, Domestic Fluff, Fluff, I hope not, I'm more of a "uncomfortable moments that look cute" kinda writer, Kissing and stuff I guess???, M/M, No Idea, does anyone actually read past the first two tags???, so that means I suck at writing smut so I probably won't do it, why am I telling you this in the tags?????
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2017-08-06
Updated: 2017-10-14
Packaged: 2018-12-11 23:01:32
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 4
Words: 17,271
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/11724390
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/minttobe_treehill/pseuds/minttobe_treehill
Summary: This is what they were talking about before. The risk of getting caught, the fun of kissing behind dark curtains that won’t reveal the truth. They know this won’t last much, that some day they will be hand by hand in front of everybody – but that also excites them.Or, AU where everything’s the same in the shadow world except Magnus and Alec are keeping their relationship a secret... Until eventually everyone finds out.





	1. Hidden (in the safety of your love).

**Author's Note:**

> Title from Kodaline's "The One".

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hi everybody! A couple of days ago I was in the shower listening to this song and an idea came to my mind. That idea turned into this little story, and I've had so much fun writing it. Apologizes for any mistakes, it still takes me a while to write in English *sighs deeply*.
> 
> Hope you enjoy it anyway!
> 
> Title from United Pursuit’s ‘Hidden’ (ft. Will Reagan).

“Good morning”

“Good morning, _indeed_ ”

Alec rolls his eyes but smiles. They’re currently in bed, just in their underwear, with bad breaths and sleep in their eyes; with their hair poking everywhere (even Magnus’) and probably stained sheets wrapped around their bodies.

Magnus locks eyes with Alec and starts playing with his left earlobe.

“Where do your siblings think you are, again?”

Alec shrugs and closes his eyes for a moment before opening them again, “Izzy called me last night when you were asleep asking me where I was… I told her I couldn’t sleep so I was having a walk. She hasn’t called again, I don’t know”

For a moment, Alec looks and sounds guilty. It’s not like he has never lied to Izzy and Jace, but having a secret relationship with no other than Magnus Bane… That was a whole other thing.

Magnus notices and pushes Alec’s strands of hair behind his ear, looking at him in the eyes and pressing his lips together – clear concern in his face.

“Hey,” – Alec wrenches his jaw and a frown appears between his eyebrows, making him look like a kid all over again – “You know we can—”

“No, Magnus, we’ve talked about this” – Alec says as he rests his left arm in Magnus’ neck, making a mess of arms.

“But we can talk about it again if you want to”

Alec drops his hand and hides it under the pillow. That’s Magnus’ silent cue to leave Alec some space, to step backwards in the bed and just look at him.

“Alexander”

Even though Alec hasn’t stopped looking at Magnus, his eyes still react to him calling his name and the frown disappears a bit, letting Alec breathe again.

“You know what? Let’s remind each other why we’re doing this, shall we?”

Alec’s frown is back again when he speaks, “What… Do you mean us?”

Magnus laughs and the crinkles by his eyes make him look younger, “No, dear…”

Magnus’ eyes go soft right before they turn playful. Alec barely has any time to respond when Magnus is rolling on top of him, his bum placed in his lower stomach and his legs on both sides of the younger’s body. His hands – well, his fists, pressed against the pillow, Alec’s head between them.

“…Or do you need any reminder of that?”

Magnus and Alec have been together for months, but that doesn’t stop Alec from blushing like this was the first time they’re in bed together. Although some things will always stay the same, past-Alec would have stayed right where he is right now, just admiring Magnus’s body and maybe caressing his arms – if the warlock got lucky. But present-Alec is beyond that. He actually sits up, bringing Magnus’ body even closer to him – pressing his hands against his lower back, which pushes Magnus to lift his fists and tangle his ring-less fingers in Alec’s dark strains of hair. Their noses almost bump and Alec hugs Magnus’ middle, making him smile softly.

“Every moment with you is a reminder”

“Even when I stain all your clothes with glitter and you have to change so your siblings won’t know how much we touch each other?”

“Why do you have to make everything so inappropriate?”

Magnus frowns and backs away slightly, “Inappropriate? Alexander, not every touch has to be inappropriate”

Alec snorts, not believing a word Magnus is saying.

The warlock, looking like a guy on a mission, drops his hands before talking, “Okay, let’s see”. He lifts his right hand and places in Alec’s head, just barely there. “Is it inappropriate if I touch you here?”

Alex presses his lips together and a slight frown appears in his forehead, the exact same expression he was trying to pull when the shadowhunters and downworlders meeting took place and he had to be professional. He decides to play along, “no, of course not”.

“Okay”, Magnus lowers his hand and places it in the intersection of Alec’s neck and shoulder, while his eyes were still fixed in Alec’s face, “what about here?”

Alec’s heartbeat increases, liking this game, “not inappropriate, either”

“Good”, this time, the warlock’s hand travels lower, resting flat in Alec’s stomach, which causes chills all over Alec’s body, “and here?”

Alec’s presses his lips together, wanting so badly to say _borderline inappropriate, Magnus_ but decides to just keep playing, “nope”

Magnus smirks and starts lowering his hand, touching Alec in the process, almost dragging the waistband of his black boxers with his palm, “and what about—“

“Okay”

Alec doesn’t let Magnus finish, turning them around and pushing Magnus into the mattress, lying on top of him. This time, instead of playing along, he reaches down, supporting himself with both arms, and catches Magnus’ lips with his own – catching him off guard. A moan escapes the older’s throat right before catching up on Alec’s eagerness, and hugs his middle with both arms, pressing their bodies together. Supported by Magnus, Alec is capable of touching Magnus’ face while kissing him, making the air hotter and also harder for them to breathe.

The mess of lips and tongues lasts for minutes, both turning their bodies around in the bed, giggling when they please, biting, moaning. Alec’s long fingers get lost in Magnus’ hair and Magnus’ strong ones leave their mark on Alec’s back.

Suddenly, Magnus – now on top of Alec – backs away, breaking the kiss, and Alec follows him, lifting his back from the mattress. Magnus laughs, but doesn’t give in, which makes Alec give up and fall flat in the bed again, sighing loudly.

“We were in the middle of a serious topic and you distracted me, Alexander” says Magnus, rubbing his palms all over the younger’s chest.

“It wasn’t that serious”

Magnus raises his eyebrows and looks at Alec, stopping the movement of his hands. Alec sighs.

“Hey” – Magnus says, lifting the younger’s chin with his right hand – “I just want you to know that even though I enjoy these secret moments between us, I wouldn’t ask you to keep quiet if you wanted to tell your family. I would never do that, okay?”

Alec smiles softly, catching Magnus’ hand in his face with his own hand, kissing his palm. “Okay”

Magnus smiles back and kisses Alec on the lips – chaste and quick, but loving anyway – before getting up.

“Where are you going?”

“To have a shower, darling. You still have an hour before having to get back, right?” – he asks, already standing up and looking at Alec.

Alec nods and watches Magnus enter the bathroom.

The relaxing sound of the water from the shower is suddenly replaced by Alec’s phone.

“Damn it”

He turns to his right and grabs his phone, already forgotten in Magnus’ bedside table.

Jace.

Alec swallows before picking up, “Jace? Everything alright?”

“You tell me”

“What do you mean?”

“Where are you?”

Alec clenches his jaw. He should’ve thought of an excuse before picking up.

“Alec?”

“I’m at Magnus’”

_Alright._

“…At Magnus’? What are you doing at Magnus’ this early?”

“He called me a while ago asking if I could make him a favor”

Yeah, a favor _or two_.

 “Magnus has asked you for help?”

Jace was being a total pain in the ass. Alec has thought lying by just omitting half of the information was way more useful than totally lying, but he wasn’t so sure anymore.

“Yeah?”

He hears Jace chuckle, “Mate, he wants to get in your pants. Maybe you should think about it”

“Yeah, okay, Jace, I’m hanging up”

“Have fu—”

Was that even successful? _Ugh_.

Alec decides to get up and enter the bathroom.

“How do you get away with lying, anyway?” – Alec asks

Even through the sound of water, he can hear Magnus laugh and ask, “My pretty face”

Alec laughs himself, looking in the mirror. You know those times when you see your reflection and you actually like what you see? Someone happy, relaxed, even attractive. Alec likes himself when he’s with Magnus.

“Jace just called me and I had t—What was that?”

“What was what?”

They both stay silent for a second.

_“Magnus?”_

Alec eyes grow comically and Magnus opens the shower curtain so fast it almost breaks. They share a glance through the mirror, “Is that…?!”

“Raphael! I forgot I hadn’t put the wards up for him since he said he was coming this morning!”

_“Magnus, where the hell are you?”_

“Shit, shit, shit. What do I do?” – Alec asks.

_“Magnus?”_

Alec doesn’t have any more time to think, so he opens the shower curtain even more and steps into the shower with Magnus. The curtains are opaque enough so no one could see through them. Magnus is frozen for a second, looking at Alec with big eyes and a slight smile in his face. They hadn’t done that before. Sex? Sure. Shower together? Still unchecked. Well, not anymore.

When they are standing in front of each other, Alec realizes this wasn’t a good idea. He can’t help but look down, almost stare at Magnus’ naked and wet body, and the bright bathroom lights do nothing to hide the blush forming on his chest and neck. Suddenly, he looks away, like he’s been burned and even though Magnus found the scene hilarious in the first place, he’s looking at Alec like he’s almost afraid he’s going to break.

“Bane, you could at least wait to have a shower” – they both hear Raphael say through the curtains, clearly in the same room as the couple.

“I was hot this morning”

“Yes, you were” – Alec whispers, without making any sound and without really thinking what he’s saying.

Magnus almost laughs and that lights Alec’s face. The tension from being in this new situation goes away the moment they look at each other smile. It’s fine, this is just another step forward.

“Where have you been these days? In the shower?” – they hear Raphael ask.

“Are you suggesting that I always need one, Santiago?”.

At that, Alec wrinkles his nose and nods, looking comically at Magnus. The warlock lowers his right hand and snaps Alec’s hip with the waistband of his boxers.

“…Are you even listening to me? What’s up with you this morning? Well, what’s up with you these months… If I didn’t know you aren’t capable of keeping anything to yourself, I’d say you’re seeing someone”

Magnus presses his lips together to refrain the laughter that’s forming in his throat, and Alec just looks petrified.

“You’re the only person in my life right now, dear Raphael. No need to be jealous”

And Magnus now is just playing, really. Alec rolls his eyes.

“Don’t mess with me, I’m being serious”

“I’m not seeing anyone, Raphael”

“Are you sure about that, though? There are clothes in your bedroom floor and some of them aren’t yours. I’ve known you for quite some time to know you wouldn’t wear a plain green shirt”

 _Shit._ That’s exactly what Magnus and Alec’s faces are saying right now. They’re both ridiculously standing in the shower, face to face, looking like they’ve just been caught. A tiny laugh escapes Magnus’ throat but Alec doesn’t break.

“Are you laughing because I’m right?” – Raphael voice breaks their stare and Magnus goes back to the conversation.

“No, I’m laughing because you’re being ridiculous”

“Yeah, right. Let’s see… No warlock I know would wear such simple clothes…”

Alec rolls his eyes and Magnus touches his forearm, trying to silently say that it’s okay, that Raphael is just playing.

“No warlock, then. Seelies are quite vain, and we’ve both seen how Meliorn dresses so…”

“Don’t be disrespectful, Raphael”

“Yeah, yeah, whatever. No seelie, either. If you were dating a vampire, I’d know, so no vampire either. That leaves us with two candidates: a werewolf and a shadowhunter. Werewolves are way too intense for your own drama… So I’m going to put all my money on a shadowhunter”

“You’re very funny this morning, vampire” Magnus says, while looking at Alec, who has his hands in his face, covering his embarrassment.

“Is it the blonde one?”

“Chase?!”

Alec takes away his hands and looks at Magnus with a confused expression in his face, “Jace?!” he whispers.

“Who?” – Raphael asks.

“Jace, whatever” – Magnus whispers. “Isabelle’s brother?!” – he asks Raphael.

“Yeah, the only blonde one?”

“It’s not Jace”

“Oh, so there’s an _it_!”

Now is Magnus’ turn to roll his eyes. He looks apologetically to Alec, who seems to have given up at worrying and being absolutely embarrassed. _Raphael is just playing._

“So, it’s not Jace…”

“You can give up and leave me with me shower, it’s o—”

“Magnus Bane!” – Raphael suddenly says.

Magnus and Alec look at each other with a weird expression on their faces, “…What?”

“You’re dating the languid kid! Alec Lightwood!”

“Wha— What?” – Magnus says, because honestly, what could he say?

It had seemed like Alec wasn’t worried anymore, but that was definitely a lie. He covers his face with his hands again, and leans his forehead in the shower wall, facing away from Magnus.

“Nah, you wouldn’t” – Raphael says – “He’s too much of a prude for you”

Alec immediately reacts to that. Still pressed to the wall, he lowers his hands and looks at Magnus, who’s already looking at him with an intense expression in his face. Before Magnus can even say a word or lend a kind hand to him, Alec moves away from the wall and goes back to the position they were in before: right in front of each other, but this time he looks down, suddenly unsure, nervous. He licks his lips and looks up at Magnus, who is already lost in his stare. He lowers both of hands and places the tips of his fingers in the waistband of his boxers, in a clear attempt to pull them down.

“No” – Magnus whispers, grabbing his wrists and taking a step towards Alec.

Alec knows what _no_ means here, he can see it in Magnus’ eyes. It means _you don’t have to_ , it means _don’t listen to him_. One of Magnus’ hands goes up to cup his face and Alec – for the first time – doesn’t lean into the touch. He makes his fingers disappear into his boxers, only leaving out his thumbs, and before Magnus can stop him, he goes down and takes them off.

His boxers reach the damp floor of the shower. This isn’t by far the first time he’s fully naked in front of Magnus – and it won’t be the last – but somehow, it still feels like a first. Every time Alec feels brave enough to make a move around Magnus, it feels like a first. And the best part of it, it’s that he can see in Magnus’ eyes how it feels like a first for him, too.

Alec lifts his ankles to get rid of the piece of clothing and discards it to the side, but not leaving Magnus’ stare. Magnus bites his bottom lip and looks down, from Alec’s feet to his eyes, slowly, taking his time, which only makes Alec’s heart beat even faster than before. That doesn’t stop him from his purpose, though; he cups Magnus’ cheek and kisses him fiercely, pushing him to the closest wall, trying not to slip or make too much noise. The warlock reacts immediately to the kiss, catching Alec’s lips and tongue with his own and hugging his neck with both arms, chests pressed together.

This is what they were talking about before. The risk of getting caught, the fun of kissing behind dark curtains that won’t reveal the truth. They know this won’t last much, that some day they will be hand by hand in front of everybody – but that also excites them. They can enjoy this for now. They have all the time in the world.

“I wouldn’t recommend dating a Lightwood, though. Look what happened with Isabelle”

Both Magnus and Alec had seemed to forget Raphael was indeed still there. They break apart from the heated kiss, but Alec decides to go for Magnus’ neck, hugging him by his waist and leaving kisses and marks all over it.

“Your thing with Isabelle wasn’t love, Raphael” – Magnus says

“And yours is?”

Those three words make the couple freeze. The water from the shower suddenly feels way colder in their bodies and the lack of Alec’s lips in Magnus’ body makes him shudder. Love? They haven’t talked about that yet. Not even a word. Alec moves his head and lines it with Magnus’, looking straight into his eyes but not placing away the arms around his body. The fear and insecurity behind both couple of eyes are evident, they both know it. Suddenly – and for what feels like the third or fourth time today – Alec does something that makes Magnus’ breath get caught in his throat. He leans forward and touch Magnus’ forehead with his own, closing his eyes and just breathing all his scent, hugging his middle so tight Magnus is sure it’s going to leave some marks.

“…We don’t have a thing” – Magnus says in a way softer voice than he had intended, trying not to break the moment, not to disturb Alec.

“Magnus, do not tell me you’re falling for Lightwood”

And the truth is, everything makes sense now. Alec running to his apartment to kiss him for the first time after calling off his wedding; Magnus sneaking into Alec’s room at the Institute to kiss him one more time before leaving; their horrible first date in a dark alley hiding away from Jace and Clary; the secret mornings in Magnus’ apartment… _Everything_. They haven’t been sneaking around just because it’s fun and keeps things fresh, but because they’re scared of losing what they have. _Of losing love._

Alec finally opens his eyes and looks at him. Magnus doesn’t want to think about what he’s about to say, so he doesn’t.

“I am, I already have” – he whispers just to Alec, brushing his damp hair with his fingertips.

It seems like something clicks with Alec, too. “Really?” he whispers.

“I’m not falling for anybody, Raphael” – Magnus says right before he nods with his head, hitting Alec’s nose with his own of how close they are.

Alec kisses him once more, just a quick peck; but then reaches down again for another, and another one. Magnus wants to giggle out loud, but he settles for a quiet chuckle. The stay in silence, just looking at each other.

“Well, since you’re not paying much attention to me… I’ll come back later. Lightwood or not, I’ll find out. See you later, Bane”

“Goodbye, Raphael” – Magnus says, not quite getting away from Alec yet.

They don’t move until they hear the door of the apartment open and then close. Magnus moves his hand away from Alec’s hair just a moment to make some sparks appear from it, making sure the guards are up and no one can disturb them until Alec has to go back to the Institute.

This time, Magnus places his hand on Alec’s cheek and bites his bottom lip, looking at Alec’s colored cheeks and the way his eyes are still sparkling.

Magnus feels his knees weak when Alec talks, “I love you, Magnus”

He’s not longer whispering, and the sudden change in his tone is making things to his heart he’ll always deny to everybody. It’s like it’s not a secret anymore, even though he’s the only one who knows this, apart from Alec; but Alec sounds so sincere, so sure… It feels like the whole world knows.

Magnus suddenly puts his arms around Alec’s neck, giving him a tight embrace, and feels Alec’s head in the place where his neck and his shoulder meet. The cold water does nothing to calm down their bodies.

“I love you too, darling” – Magnus says, lifting his head and placing it in Alec’s wet hair.

They’re in this weird position where Alec’s back is curved so he can hug Magnus properly, and the warlock is almost on his tip toes. Bellies touching and chests dying to have some space so they can let their hearts breathe, but not really willing to do so.

“I can’t feel my fingers anymore” – Alec says after a couple of minutes.

He kind of breaks the moment, but Magnus laughs and it doesn’t matter.

They break apart and give each other a quick kiss before being able to look at each other in the eye again.

“I better finish my shower” – Magnus says, touching Alec’s fingers with his own – “You’re more than welcome to finish it with me”

Alec makes this adorable expression with his face, the one with the curved smirk and the crinkles by his eyes that make him look at a kid all over again. Magnus melts.

“Okay”, he says.

Alec turns around and grabs the first shower gel he lays his eyes on. He puts a bit of it in the palm of his hands and places it in the shelf before going back to Magnus. He asks him to turn around so he can wash his back.

“You never have to prove yourself to me” – Magnus suddenly says.

“That’s my line” Alec says, rubbing his hands all over Magnus’ back.

Magnus laughs, but doesn’t let the moment go, “What Raphael said about you… You didn’t have to prove anything to me, you know that, right?”

Alec stops his hands and sighs. “I know, Magnus. But I… We’re different, and at first that scared me, but now it just makes me want to try new things, to be a bit more reckless and just… follow my gut”

Magnus smiles, “Mhm… I wonder who told you that” he says before looking back at Alec.

“A very smart person” – Alec says and makes Magnus turn around, grabbing his face with his hands.

Now is Magnus’ turn to back Alec against the nearest wall and kiss him senseless, pouring every single emotion into a mere dance of lips. It’s hot and sweet at the same time, it always is when it comes to them being together. Alec places a hand at the end of Magnus’ back, and makes the older back away from the kiss with a throaty sound when he decides to go lower and cup his butt.

“Don’t you have to go back soon?” Magnus asks Alec, but leaves kisses all over his collarbones anyway.

“I’m pretty too, I can get away with my lies”

That makes Magnus laugh way too louder than expected, making Alec proud with a fuzzy feeling in his chest and stomach.

“You are pretty, very pretty” – he says, kissing Alec once more and losing track of time.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> I had some trouble knowing where to end it so it didn't seemed rushed... I'm not sure I did a good job, but I really hope you enjoyed it. Thank you so much for reading, it means a lot to me ❤
> 
> Follow me on tumblr if you want ([minttobe-treehill](http://minttobe-treehill.tumblr.com/)), I'm a multifandom blog that uses way too many tags, but maybe you'll enjoy it? *laughs uncomfortably*
> 
> Thank you again! xx


	2. Love is just another shade of blue

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! I'm torn between being embarrassed about how long it has taken me to upload a second part and being proud of myself for actually getting to be a bit consistent about my writing. 
> 
> Thanks to everybody who read the first chapter and encouraged me to write more chapters! You have no idea how thankful I am to see some of you actually thought this was good enough to have a sequel. Thank you, thank you, thank you! xx
> 
> Title from Alfie Arcuri's "If They Only Knew".

The morning after The Incident – at least that’s how Alec had referred to it that night – things are a bit wild at the Institute. The searching for Valentine is a non-stop mission that wears everybody out by the end of the day.

It’s almost noon when Alec, Izzy, Jace and Clary are in the main room, gathered around the map.

“So, any luck?” – Jace asks to whoever has an answer.

“Not really”

Alec frowns at his own answer, but doesn’t really have time to think too much about it when he hears some steps behind him and turns around.

“Hey, you called” – it’s more a statement that an actual question, but there’s still hesitation in Luke’s voice.

Alec presses his lips together and nods, but not before looking past Luke and landing his eyes on Magnus for a brief moment, totally ignoring Raphael, Meliorn and… _Wait_.

“What are you doing here?” – Jace beats him.

Simon raises his eyebrows so quickly it’s almost comical. “I’m a daylighter”, he says, proud, even insulted by the question. “I’m one of a kind, I need to be here”

Alec can practically hear Clary and Izzy smiling behind him. Alec just rolls his eyes, feeling Magnus’ quiet stare on him.

They all gather around the table, looking at a map that doesn’t really show anything interesting.

“Okay, so” – Izzy started – “After yesterday’s false alarm, I think it’s safe to say we s—”

“Wait, what false alarm?”

There are a lot of things Alec hates, but not being up-to-date on the things he is supposed to be taking care of is definitely on the top of that long list.

“Ah… Oh, it was yesterday morning, very early. I think you still were at Magnus’ so it never came up”

“No, he wasn’t”

Suddenly, the attention is on Raphael. Alec’s throat gets dry the moment those innocent three words leave the vampire’s mouth and has to fight the urge to look straight at Magnus. The whole group goes silent for a moment, trying to comprehend the situation.

“I… Didn’t you say he was—” – Izzy says, looking at Jace with a confused expression on her face.

“Yeah, you told me you were there” – Jace says, looking straight at Alec – “It was like… I don’t know, it was really early and you told me he had asked you for a favor?”

Alec feels the urge to run away and hide for years, but instead he nods frenetically, which… well, doesn’t really help either.

He’s suddenly aware of how confused everyone looks. They’re all sharing weird glances and no one is saying anything. Alec can feel sweat in his forehead.

“Yeah, yeah. I’d had this client the night before, who was… _So_ demanding, you have no idea. Basically, he wore me out of my magic and I couldn’t sleep that night…” – Magnus says, playing with the earring in his right earlobe – “…So I asked Alexander to give me some of his strength so I could deal with the rest of my clients yesterday”

There’s a reason why Alec tries not to lie to anybody anymore. Hiding his sexuality was a whole other deal – he was scared, not ready. But when you’ve finally come to terms to who you are and have found the greatest person to be there with you no matter what, it’s quite hard not to scream the truth.

Hearing Magnus call him Alexander in front of everyone does something weird to his stomach. He’s used to listen to that name in a whisper, sometimes in a rush when he needs to come back to the Institute. It’s not like he has never called him that in front of people, but now he’s just so used to hear those letters in his ear, late at night, that it almost feels Magnus is referring to someone else. He likes it, though.

“And why would you ask _him_ for help?”

Alec’s stare is back at Raphael. He feels chills all over his body because even if he doesn’t know him well, he knows he _knows_. Damn it.

“Shadowhunters have to pay for the favors they ask, and they’re all asking for them all the time” – Magnus answers and makes a face, to what Raphael crosses his arms.

The vampire’s eyes switches from Magnus’ face to Alec’s, but it’s not Raphael who talks, “Alright, but why him?”

Alec turns his head to Jace, confused. _“Mate, he wants to get in your pants. Maybe you should think about it”_. Alec shivers remembering Jace’s words.

“I’m the head of the Institute, Jace. Someone has to pay back for everything we ask for”

He really tries not to look proud of himself, but for the first time since this weird meeting started, his words actually make sense. Everybody seems to be content with his answer, mostly Magnus, who also looks proud of him. He can finally breathe.

-*-

The meeting dies smoothly as the time goes by. Luke and Meliorn leave eventually, while Simon stays at the Institute, talking to Izzy, Clary and Jace. Alec pretends to be busy with the screen, but what he’s really doing is trying not to stare at Magnus and Raphael, who are making some small talk right by his side.

“You haven’t been at Pandemonium for months” – Raphael says, with clearly some saltiness in his tone.

“Have _you_ been at Pandemonium these months?”

“You wouldn’t know”

Alec raises his eyebrows a bit, taken back by the constant banter on Raphael’s part. He’s so busy trying not to look suspicious by Magnus’ proximity, he doesn’t react immediately to Raphael’s last words.

“…You’ve been too busy taking showers with this Shadowhunter”

What brings Alec to react is Magnus’ cough next to him. It’s late anyway.

“I knew it”

“No, you didn’t” – Magnus says, touching his earlobe.

Alec is stuck. His mouth is open and his hands frozen in the air. He can’t stop looking between Raphael and Magnus, his brain going a million miles per hour. Magnus licks his lips and places a gentle hand on his elbow, hidden from the others.

“Alexander”

Alec locks eyes with him and for a brief moment he forgets why he’s feeling so anxious. Deep down, what’s the problem? Why are they actually covering this up? But then he switches his stare, looks at a smirking Raphael and just _remembers_. Everyone would know; everybody would feel entitled to talk about their relationship like they were in it with them. But he has to own the truth, doesn’t he?

Alec sits up, straightening his back, and presses his lips together, looking at Raphael, “Yeah, we’re together”

He’s so focused on being clear and sound confident and collected, he misses the way Magnus’ eyes lit up and how he smiles slightly, trying not to grab Alec and kiss him right there in front of the whole Institute. Magnus has known how brave and how good of a leader Alec is since he saw him that first time at Pandemonium, since he saw him fight, since he wasn’t afraid to lend Magnus his strength when he needed it. But there’s something about seeing him like that when talking about what they have that makes his head hurt and his heart clench. Magnus is also scared of letting this relationship out in the open – even if it’s just Raphael right now – but there’s also a hint of hope and happiness in the pit of his stomach that tells him nothing is going to go wrong, that makes him want to be brave enough to kiss Alec whenever he wants to, to tell anybody _“yeah, we’re together”_ too.

But what Alec doesn’t miss – and Magnus does – is the way Raphael’s smirk changes the moment he lets a good second pass by. Like he knows something Alec doesn’t. He lets his shoulders relax before speaking.

“Just don’t shower together in front of me ever again, okay?” – If Alec didn’t know Raphael, he could swear there is a bit of emotion and care in those words – “Walk me out, Bane”

Magnus gives Alec one last gentle smile and a private wink before turning around and walking with Raphael towards the exit.

“Oh” – Raphael says, looking at Alec one last time, “By the way, don’t get used to this, but I’m sorry about what I said about you being… A prude. We all can do what we want with our sex life”

He doesn’t let Alec react to it, he just turns around again and leaves with Magnus by his side. The warlock turns his head one more time and looks at Alec with a brief and kind smile on his face. When they are out of his sight, he lets his shoulders drop and just breathe. He doesn’t quite believe what’s just happened, but he isn’t sure what he’s more surprised of: his strength at admitting his relationship with Magnus or actually feeling a slight hint of affecting towards Raphael and his apology. It’s all gone when Izzy approaches him, though.

“Alec, I think we have something”

-*-

Alec had never felt this extreme need for a day to pass by – until today. It’s past dinner time and he still isn’t at the loft, which means he’s almost running through the streets so he can reach home as soon as possible. _Home_. He still hasn’t said that word out loud and he’s already beating himself up for wanting so much so quickly. These are the times where he wishes he wasn’t so introverted – or that the people in his side weren’t that extroverted and  loud and nosy, to be honest. But mostly, he wishes he could be strong enough to deal with his professional and personal life at the same time, without them mixing and interrupting each other’s work. And he also wishes he could just look at Izzy in the eyes and tell her he’s in love with no other than Magnus.

He forgets about all these thoughts the moment he opens the door and smells sandalwood shampoo.

“Magnus?”

Alec doesn’t have time to search for him – Magnus appears from the bathroom with damp hair and a dark blue robe around his body.

“Hello, handsome”

Alec lets his crooked smile appear and approaches Magnus, grabbing his forearm and leaving a quick kiss on his lips.

Not letting him go just yet, he talks. “I missed dinner again, didn’t I?”

Magnus chuckles silently, looking fondly at Alec, “You have some leftovers in the fridge”

Alec smiles again, this time with a new light behind his eyes. He gives Magnus one more kiss in his forehead, “I love you”

“Mmh”

Now it’s casual, normal. It doesn’t weigh the way it did that first time in the shower, it doesn’t burn their tongues anymore. It’s only been hours since they said it for the first time, but it has a whole new meaning. That first time, it meant risk and freedom, it meant the truth was no longer hidden between them. Now it means something they already know, but it’s a new _hello_ , a tender _see you later._ It’s a _thank you_ , a _you look good today_. It feels right.

Alec takes off his jacket and places it in the back of one of the kitchen’s chairs. He opens and fridge and takes some Thai food Magnus must have ordered before. He closes the door, picks a fork from the right drawer and turns around. Magnus is already sitting in the chair opposite him.

“Is this an intervention?” Alec asks, amused.

“I talked to Raphael earlier, when we left the Institute”

Alec drops his eyes to the food in front of him. He hasn’t even bothered heating it up. He plays with the fork, not really trying to pick something to bring to his mouth.

“…About us”

Alec nods. He _knows_. He also knows Magnus is about to tell him something that’s going to hurt, something like _he thinks you’re not for me_. It was nice of him to apologize, but that doesn’t mean Raphael – or anyone that surrounds them, really – is going to shut up about what they think. This is one of the million reasons why Alec – and Magnus – were determined to keep their relationship a secret for as long as they could.

“It’s just some stuff I’ve told—Well, some stuff he’s practically made me say, but it’s all true and I think it’s fair you know all of this too”

This is something Alec has never had to deal with. No one had ever told him it was fair for him to know the truth, like he deserved it. It shouldn’t sound like something scary, but somehow it does.

Alec swallows before looking up at him and nodding slightly.

“He… He asked me if I wanted this last or if I was just playing around” – Magnus rolls his eyes and laughs quietly.

“Straight to the point, huh?” Alec says, pretending to be amused – but looking away anyway.

That makes Magnus sober up and look intensely at Alec, almost worried. Something’s not right.

“Alexander”

Alec looks up again, and this time he doesn’t look away.

“What did you think I answered him?”

The shadowhunter shrugs and that’s Magnus’ cue.

“Okay”. He gets up and stands next to Alec, eyeing him from head to toe. Alec doesn’t understand, so he frowns. Magnus places his right hand in Alec’s left shoulder to support himself before sitting on his lap – both legs on either side of his body. Alec forgets how to breathe.

“I told him” – he starts, locking his arms around Alec’s neck – “I’m here for the long run. _We_ are here for the long run”

Alec closes his eyes slowly and nods. His shoulders finally drop and relax. It doesn’t matter how much time they spend together, how many times Magnus tells him how much he loves him. For Alec, it will always be a surprise to find out he can make Magnus feel like this.

But Alec isn’t capable of saying those things out loud – not yet at least, so he settles for something else.

The younger boy brings his right hand closer to Magnus’ face, holding him by the neck, and kisses him firmly on the lips, trying to make him understand all the things he doesn’t feel brave enough to tell him.

Magnus follows him right after, tightening his grip on Alec and kissing him with passion. They’re a mess of arms and the position they’re in gets more uncomfortable as time passes, but they don’t care. They both open their mouths to each other, giving in to the moment. Alec is glad he decided to take his jacket off. He lowers his hand slowly and places it on Magnus’ chest, almost naked by how the robe untangles as they keep on kissing.  Alec locks his hand on Magnus’ back, making the robe fall even more, and pushing his body against him. The kiss turns intoxicating. They can’t stop.

Magnus starts pulling at Alec’s hair, which only makes the moment messier. The silky robe has almost fallen all the way down Magnus’ hips, which makes Alec stop abruptly at the sight of a black waistband.

Magnus follows after him until Alec talks, “since when do you wear underwear?”

That makes the other man laugh, but Magnus tries to hold the laughter back. Instead, he shrugs and looks at Alec with big eyes and crooked eyebrows, “I’m trying to behave”.

“And how are you doing so far?”

“I don’t know, you tell me” – Magnus says after chasing Alec’s lips again.

Right when they are about to get lost in each other again, there’s a loud knock on the door.

“You’ve got to be kidding me” – Alec says, letting go of Magnus’ lips.

“We can ignore it”

They both smirk but, “ _Magnus, it’s Raphael. Open up_ ”

With a quick flicker of fingers, the front door opens. Magnus looks at Alec, expecting him to untangle himself from Magnus. He doesn’t, he just brings the robe up to Magnus’ shoulders, covering his back, and rests his hands on his hips. Magnus is already glowing.

_“Where the hell are you?”_

“Kitchen!” – Magnus shouts, lost in Alec’s stare.

Magnus’ back is facing the kitchen door, so he doesn’t react to what’s expecting them until Alec does.

Alec looks pale all of a sudden and his hands drop.

After he clears his throat and looks away, he talks. “Luke”

Magnus turns around with big eyes and just stares at Luke before getting up from his previous position.

“Hello to you, too. We’re here to talk to the… _Head of the Institute_ ” – Raphael says, with a clear smirk on his face, even though Alec still hasn’t looked up.

“Luke, we –” – Magnus starts.

“Don’t worry about it”

“He knows. I told him to come here since I _assumed_ you’d be here together”

Both Luke and Raphael talk at the same time, but it’s Raphael’s words what makes Alec look up.

“You told him?”

Raphael lowers his head to the left and looks at Alec with a smug expression on his face.

“I needed an ally”

“An ally?” – Magnus asks, supporting himself in the kitchen table.

“You didn’t tell me about this for months, Bane. And now you expect me to just shut up and smile at you? I need somebody to look at and make a face when you too are eye fucking each other”

Alec covers his face with both hands, clearly embarrassed; and Magnus just stares at Raphael with his arms crossed.

Luke tries to make the situation better, “I’m not going to be that person”

That along with Raphael’s face – like a hurt puppy – makes the tension go away and Magnus lets himself smile.

“Anyway we… We just wanted to tell Alec—” – Alec puts his hands away from his face and looks at Luke with a serious expression on his face – “that we’ve already talked with all downworlders we’ve been able to reach and they’re aboard with the plan. We just have yet to confirm seelies are in it too, since I’m assuming warlocks are on board with the plan”

Magnus nods. Talking about work helps. Their own bubble keeps getting bigger and bigger, and Alec is scared it’s going to burst at some point.

Alec nods as well, “Thank you, Luke. We’ll talk about all of this tomorrow at the Institute”

“Alright. We should go now. Sorry for coming so late and for… You know”

That makes both Alec and Magnus smile slightly.

“Don’t worry about it, Luke. We’d just… We’d appreciate it if—”

Luke doesn’t even let Magnus finish, “Yeah, sure, absolutely. I won’t say a word”.

He switches his stare from Magnus to Alec, who is already looking at him with a more relaxed expression on his face.

Raphael turns around without saying goodbye and waits for Luke by the door of the apartment.

“I’m glad this is going on” – Luke says moving his hand between Magnus and Alec – “And that’s all you’ll hear me say about it. Good night, guys”

“Good night”

“Bye, Luke”

After the pair say goodbye to Luke, they look at each other and just stare at the other’s eyes until they hear the front door close. Magnus flicks the fingers of his right hand – which Alec assumes is Magnus bringing the wards up – and sighs, not looking away from the younger boy.

Alec lifts his hand to Magnus, silently asking him to come closer. Magnus does exactly that and goes back to sitting on Alec’s lap, but this time bridal style.

Alec embraces Magnus’ body, with his arms around his middle, and rests his forehead on Magnus’ shoulder.

“I can’t wait for this day to be over” – Alec says, sighing loudly.

That makes Magnus smile fondly.

“You haven’t eaten dinner yet, darling” – he says, caressing Alec’s back with the palm of his hand.

Alec lifts his head and looks at Magnus’ eyes, with a tired expression on his face.

“Aren’t you afraid?”

That takes Magnus by surprise. Alec always does this, he always asks important questions in the most unexpected moments, with a neutral expression on his face. That’s one of the things Magnus loves about him, admires almost.

“Afraid of what?”

“Of people knowing about us. Of losing this”

Magnus frowns and switches his hand from Alec’s back to his cheek.

“We’re not going to lose this, Alexander. I promise you”

There’s something in the tone Magnus uses that makes Alec close his eyes slowly. “Are _you_ afraid?” – he asks.

Alec opens his eyes again and doesn’t intend his stare to look sad, but it does. Magnus caress his cheek while the younger talks.

“I’m just afraid of anything outside us affecting us. This has been so great and so… _Ours_ that I’m scared anything changing can make _us_ change”

Alec looks so hurt and so scared Magnus wants to cry. But he doesn’t, he doesn’t let it go because that’s the least thing they both need right now.

“Hey” – Magnus says, touching Alec’s earlobe and staring at his eyes, “I promise you nothing is going to change between us. Even if Jace laughs at us when I tell you how hot you look being the Head of the Institute and you blush from your cheeks to your gorgeous chest”

“I do _not_ blush” – Alec says, hiding his face on Magnus’ neck again and… Well, _blushing_.

They stay like that for what feels like hours before going to bed. Alec lifting his head from time to time to look at Magnus and kiss him until their lips get tired. There’s silence in the apartment and the lighting is so mild it almost make them fall asleep in each other’s arms. The time they spend like this makes Alec realize this is something anyone or anything would be able to take them away. No matter what happens, no matter how many people get to know about what they are to each other, Magnus and Alec hugging in the kitchen at 2 am is just for them.

-*-

The morning after is rushed. They get a proper lead on Valentine and both Magnus and Alec have to rush to get to the Institute. Since they can’t be seen together, Magnus decides to open a portal for himself while Alec runs to get to the Institute. When he gets there, Izzy, Jace and Clary look at him and then at each other with confused expressions on their faces. Thankfully, Alec goes on _Head of the Institute_ mode instantly, so there isn’t any time for them to ask him about it.

The rest of the day passes by quickly, with more people on the Institute than it normally does. There are a couple of odd looks from Raphael and quite some glares towards him from Magnus to make him shut up – even when he isn’t talking. Luke is there to make everything better and bearable, though.

As the sun sets up, the Institute gets emptier and emptier and everyone is so tired they all go to their rooms earlier than usual. Alec is working on his office when someone knocks on his door.

“Yeah, come in”

He lifts his head and a sudden smile appears on his face. He gets up and reaches for Magnus instantly.

“Hi” – he says.

“Hi, love”

Magnus reaches for his hand and covers it with both of his hands.

“I still have to work on some things here… I don’t know when I’ll be able to finish. I’m sorry”

Magnus puts a fake smile on his face and looks down, what makes Alec frown.

“I think… I think you should sleep here today and I should go back home”

Something changes in Alec’s expression. The word home echoes on his mind even if Magnus has just said it. He can’t quite believe he was sweating over thinking just that yesterday. But he can’t quite react to that when he stops to think about the other part of the sentence. The constant change of expression on Alec’s face makes Magnus caress his hand before adding, “We don’t want to set more alarms?”

Alec’s face relaxes again. That’s how powerful Magnus is for him – a word, an expression, a touch, a smile, it all means something to him.

Alec licks his lips, “This isn’t what I signed up for when I suggested we should keep this a secret”

Alec not wanting to sleep away from him makes his stomach turn and twitch, and he smiles fondly while he strokes Alec’s left hand. “One, we both suggested it. And two… This will only make you happier to see me when I come by tomorrow”

The younger boy has color in his cheeks and he seems to know, because he let his head fall and looks at his own shoes. He’s smiling though; Magnus can see the crinkles by his eyes.

“Not possible”, Alec whispers. He says that in such a low voice that not even Magnus is sure of what he says.

“What, darling?”

Alec doesn’t answer, he just says no with his head, still looking at the floor. Magnus knows he’s bright red right now, even though he can’t actually believe he can still make him blush after months of dating. That’s something Magnus will always take away from this relationship, his ability to make Alec blush, to make him go bright red. He has always been able to turn someone on, to make them laugh, smile – to make them cry. But making someone blush? Never. His first, in some many other ways.

Magnus lifts Alec’s chin and kisses him deeply on the lips.

“Goodnight, honey. Have dinner, don’t work too much, _sleep_ ”

Alec chuckles looking at him. “ _Okay_ ”

Magnus lets go of Alec’s hand and starts flickering his fingers, only to be abruptly stopped by Alec’s hand. This time, his grip is stronger.

He looks at him with big eyes, “you’ve used too much magic today, Mags”

This time is Magnus’ turn to chuckle. He nods, knowing deep down that Alec is right. He lets himself give Alec one more kiss before heading out.

If that day hadn’t been so stressful for everybody and  Magnus hadn’t had to over use his magic, Clary wouldn’t have seen Magnus leave Alec’s office with a fond expression on his face – and she also wouldn’t have smiled to herself and stopped wondering why both Alec and Magnus seemed to be happier these days.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> “Oh” – Raphael says, looking at Alec one last time, “By the way, don’t get used to this, but I’m sorry about what I said about you being… A prude. We all can do what we want with our sex life”
> 
> Raphael had hated himself the moment he said those words the morning before. Living in an over sexualized world sometimes gets the worst out of him. He actually wanted to say "we all can do what we want with our sex life... Or sexless life".
> 
> Just the thought of Magnus being with Alec made him thought about how different they were in the sex department. Rumors are a thing in both the mundane and shadow world, so it would have been impossible for him not to know about the younger Lightwood being a virgin. And he knows about /some/ of Magnus' sex life so... Yeah, something didn't add up. But then, knowing they were both together in the shower made him realize it actually meant something. If someone could make the languid shadowhunter kid comfortable enough to let himself go, that would be Magnus. It made sense after all.
> 
> (I felt the need to add this. Hope you enjoyed this chapter. Thank you for reading. ❤)
> 
> Follow me on tumblr if you want ([minttobe-treehill](http://minttobe-treehill.tumblr.com/)), I'm a multifandom blog that uses way too many tags, but maybe you'll enjoy it? *laughs uncomfortably*


	3. Flow down all my mountains (darlin' fill my valleys)

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again! It’s been a while. Sorry about that. I actually said I probably wouldn’t upload more chapters since not many people seemed to be interested in the story, but the feedback in the last chapter was great! Thank you so much for that. Hope you enjoy this one and that you don’t give up on this little story if you actually like it, because I’m awful at being constant with my writing, so it takes me a while to write and upload. Thank you again!
> 
> There’s actually a bit of smut in this chapter (sorry, couldn’t help myself). If you blink you miss it, though.
> 
> Also, I think I might have a weird obsession with water? Maybe it’s a hidden kink, who knows.
> 
> Title from Foy Vance’s “Be The Song”.

After almost a month of spending nights between the Institute and Magnus’ lo— _home_ , this is the first night Alec can actually relax and stop thinking about people finding out about them. Since Valentine’s attacks have been reduced and his area of movement has been practically located, days at the Institute tend to be less busy – even for the Head of the Institute.

It’s way too late for anybody to have a bath, but Alec had complained about the pain in his shoulders the moment he had stepped in the loft and Magnus had been way too excited about finally using the sandalwood bath bomb he had bought weeks before. So here they are, awkwardly fitting their bodies in the bath tub. Alec had denied Magnus’ suggestion of making it bigger with his magic – _“what’s the point of dating a warlock if you never let me use my magic for romantic purposes?”_. But Alec had just rolled his eyes and taken his shirt off, making Magnus forget what he was talking about.

“I don’t think our heights are right for this”

Magnus laugh at Alec’s comment, mostly because he’s right. The younger boy is sitting between Magnus’ legs, supporting his back on the other’s chest. Since his middle and his legs are longer than Magnus’, the position is awkward and maybe – just maybe – his shoulders hurt a bit more than they did before.

“One, I’ve been trying to give you a massage for the past ten minutes and you refuse to move” – Magnus says, making Alec smile. “And two, your legs wouldn’t be strained if you had let me make the bath tub bigger”

“So, everything’s my fault”

Magnus lets his hands travel through Alec’s chest, making his armpits line up with the other’s shoulders, trying not to press too much and hurt him. Alec lets his head fall backwards, tickling Magnus’ neck with his wet hair. “Yeah, pretty much…”

They’ve been in the bath tub for almost 20 minutes but luckily the water is still warm. Magnus is warmer, though. Feeling his body against his even harder, Alec lets his neck turn a bit more and leaves a gentle kiss on Magnus’ jaw, rubbing his nose against the place where it meets his left ear.

“Careful, Alec… Your shoulders”

“Don’t call me Alec” – he says, biting Magnus’ skin.

The tones Alec’s voice drops while saying that makes Magnus freeze. The moment he drops his right hand from Alec’s torso, the younger boy takes advantage of their new position and turns around in his place, capturing Magnus’ lips with his own and placing his right hand on his left shoulder while he rests the other flat on Magnus’ neck, caressing the wet skin.

They kiss like that for a while; making noises they’re glad no one’s capable of hearing and also splashing the water around them – water that gets colder and colder as they get inevitability warmer.

“You’re frisky today”

That makes Alec smile in the sexiest way Magnus has seen yet, before going back to kissing his lips.

Magnus lets his right hand slip under Alec’s arm, touching his chest again but letting it drop lower this time. Alec is so focused on kissing him he doesn’t even realize how low Magnus’ hand is until he places it around his member.

Breath gets hitched on Alec’s throat and he needs to stop kissing Magnus in order to keep breathing. He lets his head fall on the older’s cheek, completely undone. He closes his eyes as Magnus lets his hand keep working, splashing the water even more. They don’t care.

“Lay down on me, darling” – Magnus whispers, trying not to break the moment.

Alec does as told and turns his body around, hating the sudden cold the moment Magnus stops touching him so he can get comfortable again. But his hand is back again when Alec lets his back rest completely on Magnus’ front. It’s overwhelming and Alec can’t help but close his eyes and almost whimper when Magnus rests his free hand on Alec’s forehead, pushing his head back and tangling his ring-less fingers on Alec’s wet tangles. Like this, the younger boy is fully pressed against Magnus, his whole body touching the other’s.

Magnus keeps giving pleasure to Alec, whose breathing goes more frantic as time passes by. Alec grabs the side of the tub with his right hand, digging his nails in the porcelain and almost trying to scratch it. He’s not even closing to orgasm – both know that – but the sensation is so overwhelming and fulfilling it almost feels like he is.

The water is already cold when a phone rings.

“ _Ugh, no!_ ” – Alec shouts.

Magnus startles and his right hand twitches, making Alec moan involuntarily.

“Shh, honey, you’ll call whoever it is later” – Magnus whispers.

It’s rare that Magnus says that. Something that surprised Alec the moment they kissed for the first time, it’s how much will power Magnus had – and how bad Alec was at controlling himself when they were alone. In an occasion like this, Magnus would’ve said _“Alexander, it could be important”_ and Alec would have given up. This little moment between them tells Alec Magnus really wants this, really enjoys this exact moment in time. And that feels good – it feels great, actually. Unfortunately, Alec _needs_ to answer his phone.

“It’s Izzy’s tone” – he tells Magnus after pecking his lips one more time – “I have to take it, sorry”

And Magnus understands, so he takes his hand away – which causes Alec to trip while he’s standing up and almost fell on Magnus – and lets Alec grab the phone, waiting for him on the toilet nearby.

“Izzy? Everything okay?”

_“Where are you?”_

Alec freezes.

“I’m… Out?”

Clearly not a very lucid moment.

_“Yeah, I can see that. I’m in your room. Where are you? Are you okay?”_

“What are you doing in my room?”

_“What are you doing out at almost 2 am?”_

Alec will always remember the time he had a sexy bath with the most handsome warlock at almost 2 am, but he doesn’t really want this to be the moment his sister found out about it.

“I’m having a walk, Izzy. I couldn’t sleep”

_“How many walks have you taken these past months? Alec, what’s wrong?”_

“Nothing’s wrong! I’m just having a walk – don’t worry”

To say Alec feels terrible, _worst-brother-ever_ terrible is an understatement. He can feel how worried Izzy is, and it kills him to know that. He looks at Magnus with a sad expression on his face, one that Magnus understands the moment they lock eyes.

“Go to be, Izzy. It’s late, don’t wait up for me”

_“We’re having a serious talk tomorrow. Bye”_

Alec doesn’t even have time to hang up – she’s already done it. He presses his lips together as he places the phone right where it was before.

He places his hands on his hips and looks at Magnus, “I feel awful”

Magnus extends his right arm for him and invites him to join him, not before moving his fingers and making the water warm again.

Alec takes his hand and sits against him.

Magnus rounds Alec’s shoulders with his left arm, “Would it be that bad if you told her?”

The question makes the younger boy freeze again. He looks down, at their weirdly untangled legs and the almost non-existent foam resting above the water and lets his head fall backwards.

“Of course it wouldn’t… She’s the first person I wanted to tell I had the guts to come to your place and kiss you”

Magnus smiles shyly, holding Alec closer to his body, a wave of affection taking over him. “Then tell her, Alexander”

“I just… I don’t know, Magnus…”

“I know we were— Well, we _are_ unsure about telling people about us since it could jeopardize what we have right now but… If I’m one hundred percent honest with you and with myself, since Raphael found out about it, it feels like I’ve taken a huge weight off my shoulders” – he says, probably in one in of the most serious tones Alec has ever heard from him.

Alec turns his head around to look at him, making Magnus release him a bit from his embrace, “do you feel like us hiding is a burden?”

There’s not even a hint of hurt or sadness in his voice, he’s just curious about it.

“No, not a burden, no… But it’s like— Didn’t you feel like you could breathe easier when you came out?”

Alec turns around again, regaining the position he was in before. He remembers that day, mostly because it was supposed to be his wedding day (and also because it was the day he kissed Magnus for the first time); when he was standing there, looking at a blurry Lydia and a concerned-looking Izzy behind her, he couldn’t stop thinking this was going to be the end of his life. When he was still too young not to clearly know if he actually wanted to risk his life everyday as a Shadowhunter, he had feared one day he’d end up dead in a mission, brutally injured by a demon. But in that exact moment, thinking he had to morally sign a supposedly love contract with a woman – even if it wasn’t love at all, not from him, not from Lydia either – felt quite the same as bleeding in a dark alley. So he had decided to stop the show, to say sorry to Lydia and look at his mother, completely outraged by the whole thing. _“I can’t marry her”._ _“Alec, what are you saying?”. “I can’t marry a woman”._ And there it was. He had apologized to Lydia once more and left the building, not after searching for a reassuring look from both Jace and Izzy – a look he definitely had found.

Magnus’ grip on his body grows tighter and it makes him wake up from his thoughts, “Yeah, it did feel like that”

“The fear of us potentially not being exactly what we are right now isn’t as strong as the excitement to let people know how lucky I am to be with you, Alexander. I’m sorry I hadn’t realized that sooner”

The honesty in Magnus’ words makes Alec exhale loudly. Magnus lucky? He is the lucky one. This time, instead of turning around or letting his head rest on Magnus’ chest, he untangles his right hand behind Magnus’ neck, pulling his head further to himself and letting his forehead rest on Alec’s right shoulder. He scratches the short hairs of the back of Magnus’ head with his fingers, and Magnus lifts his head a bit to leave gentle kisses on his shoulder. Their ears touch when Alec moves his head and whisper to Magnus,

“I love you. I do. I want to tell Izzy”

They both lift his heads to look at each other in the eyes, so much closer than before. Magnus smiles and the crinkles by his eyes make him look so much younger.

“And Jace” – Alec says.

The weight on his words is clear. It’s Jace they’re talking about. It’s not just _parabatai_ -Jace, _brother_ -Jace. It’s _the-person-you-love-the-most_ -Jace. It means something else and they both know it. It doesn’t hurt; it doesn’t feel heavier than it should, but Magnus understands what it means better than Alec himself does.

Magnus closes his eyes and nods, a light smile on his face. Alec closes the distance between their lips and kisses him, trying to make Magnus – and himself – know this is _it_ , this is what love feels like.

-*-

Alec opens his eyes and remembers his sore shoulders right away. After Izzy’s call, Magnus had given him a massage that had almost made him asleep right there in the bath. Thanks to that, they don’t hurt that much but he would give everything he has right now in order to be able to stay in bed and have Magnus give him another massage. Unfortunately, he needs to go back to the Institute. There’s a conversation with Izzy he needs to have as soon as possible.

He looks to his left and stares at Magnus’ flat hand on his chest He’s still asleep, upside down, with his head turned to Alec and his hair sticking out everywhere. He places his right hand on Magnus’ and smiles softly.

“Hey, Mags” – he whispers.

Magnus frowns and hides his face on the pillow.

“Magnus…” – Alec whispers again, now smiling bigger.

He finally opens his eyes and it looks like he needs a bit of focus, because he stares at Alec like he doesn’t know him for a couple of seconds before smiling at him.

“Don’t go…”

“I have to, I’m sorry” – Alec says, turning around to face Magnus and making the hand that was placed before on his bare chest get lost between the sheets.

Magnus nods and looks at him before lifting his left hand and caressing his cheek. It seems like he suddenly remembers something important, because his eyes grow bigger in a second.

“You’re going to tell Izzy?” – he asks, almost in a worried tone.

Alec fixes his eyes on his and presses his lips together. “Yeah”

“Should I go with you?”

That simple questions takes away all the oxygen Alec must have on his body. Sometimes, he still can’t believe how much Magnus can express with just some mere words.

He still hasn’t dropped his hand, so Alec reaches out and places his own on Magnus’ bicep. He says no with his head, not really wanting to speak up and break the moment.

Magnus nods, letting his eyelids flutter and his thumb draw circles near Alec’s temple.

“I… I’m nervous” – Alec says, pressing his fingers further on Magnus’ arm.

Magnus nods again before getting closer to Alec, catching his lips with his own. They both melt into the kiss.

They stay like that for a couple of minutes, but Alec really needs to get up. It’s time for this day to begin.

-*-

Alec steps into the Institute earlier than he expected; he needed to be there before anyone would wake up. Even though Izzy already knows he didn’t spend last night there, he still needs to pretend in front of the rest.

The Institute looks dead. Most of the lights are still off and it’s colder than it usually is. He immediately goes to his room to change -- he has clothes in the apartment, but he was getting more nervous as time passed by, so he decided to leave for the Institute with last night’s clothes on. He wanders the corridors in almost darkness and reaches for his door, opening it up slowly, trying not to make much noise. The sun is almost up, but not quite so the lighting in his room doesn’t really help him not to trip with something as he enters.

_“Shit!”_ – he whispers.

“Alec?”

The moment he hears his name, he hands his bow and arrows, not really being able to process the voice that has just spoken.

Someone flicks the lights on before he has time to take an arrow.

“ _Alec_ ”

It’s Izzy. She’s sitting on his bed, with the sheets barely covering her body. Her hair is a bit ruffled and she looks exhausted.

Alec takes off his bow and quiver, placing them on the floor, and approaches her, sitting in the end of the bed.

“Izzy, what are you doing here?”

His sister drops her shoulders and looks away, looking either embarrassed or guilty, “I was waiting for you”

Now it’s Alec’s turn to look guilty. “…Why?”

Izzy sits up, exhales and looks at him in the eyes, placing her hair behind her ears. She looks 10 all over again. “I’m worried about you. Like… _So_ worried, Alec. What’s going on with you? You disappear all the time and barely talk to me or Jace. What’s wrong?”

She places a hand on his right arm and Alec looks down, all the words he had been planning on telling her fading away in his head.

“Alec, please, tell me. Are you okay?”

He looks up and all he can hear in his head is Izzy’s words years ago. _“One day, somebody is gonna love you heart and soul”_. Izzy, more than anyone, deserves the truth.

He takes Izzy’s hand on his own, looking at her.

“I have something to tell you”

She nods, still with big eyes and worry on her face.

“I’m… I’m with somebody”

If Magnus’ eyes had looked comical this morning, Izzy’s are a whole new deal. Her eyebrows shoot up so much he swears they even get lost in her dark hair.

“All the… The walks and… Well, and me not being here… When I’m not here, I’m with… You know”

She untangles her hand from his and places both of them on her cheeks, smiling big “Oh my god!”

That’s the Izzy Alec knows. _Finally._

“Shh, Izzy!” – he says, asking her to lower her voice.

She doesn’t.

“Oh, my god! Oh, my god! Alec, oh my god!”

He really wants Izzy not to shout and also not to make a big deal out of it. But there’s something in the way her eyes bright with a special light he has rarely seen before, something about the way she starts almost bouncing on the bed, smiling big and looking at Alec like he just told her the best news of her life.

“Alec, this is big! Who is he? Do I know him? He’s a shadowhunter, right? Do I know any male shadowhunter who is into guys? Who is he?”

He lets himself laugh for a second. It’s a bit overwhelming and also way too early for Alec to spill all the information, but Izzy’s eyes are no longer sad and he wants to enjoy that.

In that exact moment, Alec’s phone pings with a new message. He takes it from his back pocket and looks at it, away from Izzy’s eyes.

**_Mags: Have you told her? I can’t sleep, what did she say?_ **

He looks up immediately and even if he isn’t capable of seeing himself right now, he bets something in the way his face softens gives it all away.

Izzy looks at his phone without reading the message and then looks up at Alec again, “it’s him, isn’t it?”

Alec presses his lips together and lets all his insecurities fade away. He turns the phone to Izzy and lets her read the message and who it is from.

She takes the phone and it looks like she can’t process the information for a couple of seconds. She looks up to him – with big eyes – and speaks softly, “Mags? Mags as in…? Magnus?”

Alec just nods, unable to use any words as his heart beats fast and loud.

“Magnus Bane? _Our_ Magnus?”

He nods again.

And then silence. They both stare at each other with big eyes, expecting something different from each other. Izzy, and explanation; Alec, acceptance. But right when it’s about to get uncomfortable between them, Izzy launches to him and hugs him tightly, almost making them both of them fall out of bed. Alec hugs her back and closes his eyes. _Yes_. _Finally_.

“Oh my god, Alec! Why didn’t you tell me you two were together?” – Izzy asks, still in her brother’s arms and her voice ruffled Alec’s and her own hair.

“I don’t know, I’m sorry. No one knew”

She untangles herself from him, “am I the first one to know?!”

He doesn’t really have the guts to tell her that she isn’t, but he makes a face that gives it all away.

She smacks him in the arm.

“I have to be the first one to know when you two are getting married” – she simply says, pushing her hair back.

In moments like this, when Izzy starts dreaming and says something almost inappropriate to the situation, Alec wonders why there are still times when he feels nervous about telling her sister something big and important. Deep down, he knows the reason – privacy, in this case – but he can’t help but kick himself mentally looking at how happy, relaxed and excited Izzy looks right now.

“Who else knows?”

“Just Raphael and Luke. Well – _hopefully_ just them”

“I can’t believe Raphael knew before I did” – she says, faking it.

Alec smiles and the first rays of sun leak through the windows. Izzy gets up and turns the lights off, letting the sunlight fill the room.

She sits down again and stares at Alec with a slight smile on her face.

“How did it happen?” – she asks in a serious tone this time.

Alec needs to be honest. “I… I don’t know? I guess it just did. We started to spend a lot of time together somehow, between missions and favors… One day I found myself in his loft without having a real reason to be there. It took me a while to understand I just wanted to be there ‘cause _he_ was there. But he already knew” – he says, laughing and making Izzy smile, too – “I guess I tried to fight it until it all blew up in my face when I almost married Lydia”

“You disappeared that day!” – she says, before processing the information – “Oh my god, you went to see him, didn’t you?”

He presses his lips together and blushes – even though he’ll always deny it –, looking back at Izzy and nodding.

“All of this would’ve been more fun if you had said, _‘I, Alec… Take thee, Magnus’_ – Ross’ style. Could you imagine?!”

Alec swears that’s a reference to something, he just can’t place what.

“You still haven’t seen Friends?” – Izzy looks horrified.

“Oh, right, Friends! Magnus is trying to make me be into it”

“Of course he is!”

They both laugh and it makes it all easier.

“Are you happy?” – she asks.

The question startles him, but what makes him more surprised is the honest answer he lets go.

“Yes. I am”

Izzy smile grows even bigger and it makes his heart grow.

“Good, ‘cause I’m happy for you both. You’re so lucky to have each other”

Alec rolls his eyes, he can’t help it. Izzy looks at him and takes his hands on hers again, “he’s just a bit luckier”.

He feels the need to roll his eyes again -- because he’s still not able to believe that, but he fights it and holds Izzy’s hands tighter.

She doesn’t let go when she says, “so, have you had sex?”

Alec regrets it all already.

Luckily, his phone saves him. The screen lights up with Magnus’ name.

Izzy beats Alec and takes it instead.

“Magnus!” – she shouts, getting up.

Alec can’t believe he got himself in this situation.

“Isabelle?”

“Is my brother good in bed?”

Alec gets up and tries to take the phone away from her hands, “ _Izzy!_ ”

“He’s… He’s brilliant at everything he does” – Magnus says.

Izzy smiles big and looks proudly at Alec, who finally takes the phone from her.

“I’ll leave you two be, but this conversation isn’t over. Love you, bro” – she says before turning around and closing the door behind her.

Alec lets the air he was holding our of his body, “hey”

“I’m guessing she took it well?”

“Too well, I’m afraid”

Alec hears Magnus chuckle and they both stay silent for a couple of seconds, letting sink in the fact that this is real, it’s true – they’re almost out and proud of their relationship. It feels magical and overwhelming, almost like it isn’t real. Somehow, the fear of something getting in the way of them feels a bit further. It’s nice.

“How are you feeling, dear? Everything okay?”

“Everything’s great” – Alec simply answers.

“Listen, I… I thought I could come by to the Institute? It feels weird to have you making such a big step in this and stay here in bed like nothing was happening”

Alec sits up in his bed again, “It’s not—”

“But it is”

_Yeah, it is._

“I still haven’t told Jace”

“It’s okay, you don’t have to do it all at once, Alexander. I’ll come by, I’ll gossip about our dirty talk with your sister a bit and then we’ll see”

_“Ugh, don’t”_

Magnus chuckles again, feeling Alec’s frustration through the phone.

“So, can I go?”

Alec lets himself breathe one more time before talking, “yeah, of course”

“I love you”

“I love you, too” – he says, smiling without thinking.

They both hang up the phone but Alec doesn’t get up right away. This is happening – he tells himself – it’s finally happing and it doesn’t feel as scary as it used to.

He looks at the sun through the windows, almost blinding his sight and smiles to himself.

The alarm of the Institute suddenly goes off. Alec frowns and gets up, taking his bow and quiver from the bedroom floor. _What’s going on?_  

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sorry for that weird cliffhanger, I needed to set up the scene for what's happening next. The next chapter is actually my favorite one so far (I still haven't written it, but I'm hella excited for it). 
> 
> Anyway, I really hope you enjoyed this one! Sorry if you don't love reading about Izzy and Alec's relationship as much as I do, I find it hard not to ramble when I write about them. 
> 
> If you find any mistakes that hurt your eyes, please tell me. I'm always looking forward to improving my writing and my English.
> 
> Thank you so much for reading. As I always say, it means the world.


	4. I can't keep quiet

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello there. I said I’d be posting this chapter in two weeks, and I believe it’s been seventeen days (?)… I’m sorry, I’ve been busy with college stuff and I’ve felt quite uninspired; but this chapter is actually the longest one so far (5k!) so… Yeah, I hope that makes it up for my usual inconsistency. 
> 
> Anyway, I’m actually happy with the way this turned out – it is my personal favorite so far. As you might’ve seen, I’ve settled this story for 5 chapters, so the next one will be the last one. For now, I just hope you enjoy this chapter (or at least that you don’t hate it?).
> 
> (Also, if you're reading this it means I still haven't read the full chapter again to check any mistakes. It's 10pm here and I really wanted to put this up today... Please, forgive me *puppy face*)
> 
> Title from MILCK's 'Quiet' (stripped version, if you're interested in listening to it while reading).

Alec leaves his room the moment he hears the alarm go off. He opens the door and almost gets lost in a crowd of people running towards the entrance of the Institute, leaving their rooms behind.

"Hey! What's going on?" -- he asks to whoever hears him.

"It's Valentine!"

He doesn't recognize the voice who says those mere two words, but his face goes pale the moment he hears them.

The moment he reaches the place where everyone appears to be crowding in, he sees Jace, Clary and Izzy looking at the screen and he runs towards them.

"Hey, what happened?" -- he asks, looking between the three of them.

"This" -- Jace says, pointing to the screen.

Alec follows his finger and sees a red dot moving terrifyingly closer to the spot they are right now. Valentine is as close as ever. His mind starts working a million miles per hour, trying to come up with a plan _as any Head of the Institute should do._

He feels hundreds of eyes on him when he decides to talk, "okay everybody, I need the west area to contact the leaders of every downw--"

His face goes paler than before. _Downworlders. Magnus._

He feels pressure on his left arm and lifts his eyes to find Jace's. "Hey, you okay? You've got this, Alec"

"Yeah... _We've_ got this"

The moment he says those words, he lifts his head again and spots Luke, Raphael and Meliorn right in front of him -- looking like they just got there"

He can't let his fear control his mind right now, "Hmmm, okay, everybody. West and East side of the Institute will protect the back and front, just like we all planned" -- he looks back at the screen before he continues talking -- "it looks like Valentine isn't here exactly, so I think we have a bit more time. North would stay inside with the vampires, in case he enters the Institute. South will go with us four to look for him nearby the Institute. Be aware at all times please, he might not come alone. Good luck everybody, stay in touch"

He reaches for his phone and looks at the screen, hoping for something that tells him where the hell is Magnus. Nothing.

He starts walking towards Raphael, trying not to get in the way of anybody else. He leans closer to his face and whispers, "where's Magnus?"

Raphael looks up at him and frowns, removing his eyes from Alec's and looking everywhere around him instead, "I don't know" -- he says, looking back at the shadowhunter.

"He texted me minutes ago saying he was coming here" -- he tells him, _like that could help_.

He groans, trying to make his heart calm down.

"Luke was nearby and told us something was wrong so we came by. Magnus would be here in any minute, for sure"

"He better" -- Alec says before turning around and almost bumping into Jace, who's looking at him with a frown between his eyes.

"What's wrong? We have to go out now, Alec -- Valentine is getting closer"

"Yeah" -- he simply says, walking past Jace and avoiding Izzy's eyes on him in the process.

He reaches the door and grabs his bow and quiver, followed by Jace, Izzy, Clary and a bunch of other Shadowhunters, ready to fight against any thread.

They check the perimeter and go beyond the limits of the Institute, looking everywhere for something that might lead them to Valentine -- and to Magnus, Alec's brain whispers.

"Watch out!" -- Izzy yells.

When Alec turns around, his sister's whip is already choking a demon, not much bigger than them. Looking Izzy's got him under control, he turns around again but something catches his eyes in the process.

He squints his eyes and looks in the distance, closer to the Institute than the place they are right now. There's a shadow and green lights around it. Green _sparks_.

His legs start running towards it before his brain can actually process what's going on. Barely metres away, Magnus is fighting a demon.

Without thinking, just trusting his instincts and following what his body is asking him to do, he takes an arrow and shoots it from afar. It reaches the demon's core even before he has time to breathe again.

"Magnus!" -- he shouts.

The warlock reacts to his voice and stares at him, looking instantly relieved to see him as well.

" _Alexander_ "

Alec almost runs in his arms, but the sound of steps behind him stop him right in his tracks. His grip on the quiver grows stronger, leaving his nuckles white and the look on Magnus' face -- almost disappointed, but mostly just caught up in the moment -- makes his stomach twist and turn, and not in the good way.

His sight goes unfocused for a moment, "you okay?" -- he asks him, trying to sound casual but not being able to avoid the knot in his throat.

"Yeah, yeah. I'm fine" -- Magnus answers, being way better than him at hiding what he really wants to say and do.

Jace, Izzy and Clary reach them, and the words he hears makes his brain fuzzy.

"These demons only appear when the source is very close to them so that means Valentine is way nearer than we all think. You three stay around, I'll follow the trail of the demons"

Alec wants to scream, "No" -- he whispers instead.

He feels four pairs of eyes on him, "I mean... Someone has to back you up"

"I'll do it" -- both Izzy and Clary say at the same time.

Somehow, he finds himself looking at Clary and what sees him terrifies him, but also makes his heart beat calm down since he heard the alarm of the Institute go off. Clary is looking at him like she knew every bit of information that's going through Alec's brain right now. There's fear and understanding; there's confidence and trust. Does she...?

"Come on, Izzy" -- Clary says before Alec has any more time to think.

He feels Izzy's hand brush his when she passes him by, and before they all disappear he looks at Magnus with big eyes and a blank expression on his face -- expression that changes the moment he sees Magnus nod to him with a light smile on his lips.

They all go away before Alec can smile to him, "Alec, you okay? We have to keep going, there might be more demons around here"

He looks at Jace and can't instantly come up with his features. All he can see is Magnus' cat eyes looking back at him before he leaves to the Institute every single morning, leaving him behind, and closing the moment Alec blinks again.

-*-

Both Jace and Alec spend almost twenty minutes clearing the perimeter, killing every demon that comes their way. Alec knows Magnus, Izzy and Clary are safe with each other, he believes in them, not just as the Head of the Institute, but as their lover, brother, friend. But there's still something in the pit of his stomach that makes his throat dry every minute. _It's fine._

"Should we go inside?", Jace asks next to him.

He just nods and they both run into the Institute.

Everything it's not fine. The Institute is full of blood and broken weapons. People are running crazy and shouting -- but there are no demons ahead. Valentine isn't here, either.

Alec's eyes travel the whole room, trying to look for somebody who will be able to tell him what the hell happened and how are things going. He accidentally locks eyes with Raphael, who is in the other side of the room, next to Simon, who is sitting on the ground, looking restless.

"What happened?", Jace beats him when they reach the vampires.

Raphael looks up from where his eyes were inspecting Simon's leg. "He's here, we don't know where. There were way too many demons, we couldn't even lay a hand on that son of a bitch"

Jace looks down to Simon and realizes his trousers are full of blood, "you alright?", he asks.

Simon nods. "He always tries to be the hero", Raphael says.

Alec doesn't have time for this. He starts running to the elevator -- an instinct. He can hear Jace shouting his name behind him, and when he presses the button to get down, Jace is already by his side.

"You think they're...?"

They hop in the elevator and Alec shoots a glare to Jace. He doesn't really know what Jace was about to say, what he means -- he just doesn't want to let him finish; he doesn't want to hear the words he himself is trying to avoid, whatever they are.

It all happens in slow motion from there. The elevator doors open and  neither of them have time to properly react to what's waiting for them: Valentine has the mortal cup in his hand, and he's being choked by Izzy's wip; Magnus is there too, a couple of meters away from them; a colorful light is coming from Magnus' hands and lands directly on Valentine's arm, not letting him grab the cup properly. Clary is facing him, next to Magnus but not close, with her sword ready to attack, her back facing Alec and Jace.

"Let go of the cup!", Clary shouts.

Valentine laughs, "you think you're all smarter than me, don't you?"

When the parabatais start running towards them, Valentine's allies appear from the shadows and grab Izzy and Clary. When Alec is about to shoot one of his arrows, Valentine grabs the cup and stabs Magnus' middle with his sword.

Everything's pitched black for Alec. He lets go of his arm and the arrow goes flying near Valentine, but it doesn't get him. Alec runs but he can't properly see what's happening; he's stuck with Magnus' cat eyes in his mind, looking at him and suddenly losing their light. It's not real.

Alec kneels down next to Magnus' body, grabbing the back of his head with his right hand and supporting his middle on top of him.

"Magnus", he whispers, incapable of raising his voice, at loss of words.

There's a pool of blood in his stomach but his eyes are still open -- they still have their light. He presses the wound with his bare left hand and he realizes that's something he's always been afraid of. He's felt Magnus’ lips on his fingertips, his hips, his whole body -- but never his blood, never a bright red that grows darker as Magnus' eyes close tighter.

"Hey, hey, look at me Magnus, don't this to me, hey", he's aware his words don't make much sense, but he can't think.

"I'm okay, it's... it's fine"

"Are you kidding me, right now?!", Alec shouts, finding his voice again.

He hears a loud and quick sound, and his head shoots up. Both Clary and Jace's swords are tangled between Valentine's body, while Izzy's wip is around his hips. Valentine falls to the ground almost immediately and the restless expression on their faces makes him realize that's it: Valentine's dead.

"At what cost", Alec whispers to himself, almost oblivious about the fact he's said it out loud.

He grabs Magnus' body tighter in his arms, careful not to press too hard on the bleeding wound. Alec feels paralyzed, like his whole word is turning upside down and he doesn’t know how to breathe. He’s always thought of himself as someone good at crisis, someone who could deal with extreme situations, someone who could always remain calm and cold-headed. He feels pressure on his left hand and is suddenly confronted with the truth: he can’t do this.

“Alexander”, Magnus says with a quiet voice.

“I don’t… No… I don’t know what to do— Who should we call? Magnus, what do I do?”, his voice is watery and his eyes are starting to fill up.

He hears footsteps and heavy breathing at the same time Magnus’ grip on his hand loses its strength. Alec grips the back of his head, bringing his body closer to himself.

He looks up, red-faced and almost crying, “What the hell are you doing there?! Call someone! Find Dot, do something!”, he shouts before looking back at Magnus.

Clary and Izzy start running towards the elevator, but Jace stays right where he is, staring at Magnus and Alec. He can’t move, he can’t speak, his whole body refuses to respond him. He feels a pressure in his chest that almost doesn’t let him breathe either. Suddenly, it all makes sense. _Alec_ makes sense. Being Alec’s parabatai had come to mean feeling pain and ache almost every day, feeling a hole in the pit of his own stomach, a pressure in the back of his head. He had been too busy to realize all that pain went away months ago. The anger, the pain, the sadness: they weren’t there anymore. Alec almost not being on time, walking lighter throughout the Institute, smiling brighter, not closing himself up: it all comes down to Magnus.

Suddenly, he feels a tight pressure on the left side of his stomach. He doesn’t need to check what’s happening, he just places a hand over his Parabatai rune and waits there. Alec’s pain is back and somehow it’s stronger than ever. It’s both Alec and Magnus’ pain.

Izzy and Clary almost fly past him, with Dot by their side.

Alec looks up and refuses to let Magnus go when Dot approaches them. He’s not going to leave him alone anytime soon.

Izzy, Clary and Jace watch from afar as Dot performs what they assume it’s some curative kind of magic. Flares of different colors fly up and down Magnus’ body, whose eyes close tighter as the wound starts to close up.

Jace turns his head to look at Izzy, who feels his eyes on her and stares at him. Somehow, she knows how Jace is feeling and just nods slightly, trying to make him understand. Jace looks at her with disbelief and presses his lips together, almost mad. He looks to his left and sees Clary’s is already staring at him. He sees the same expression on her face.

“You knew?”, he asks her.

“I… Yeah. I just—I saw Magnus leaving Alec’s room one night and I just… I assumed”, Clary says with a tiny voice.

Dot stands up and looks at Alec, “he’s going to be okay, he just needs some rest”

The weigh in Alec’s chest disappears and Jace can feel it too. Alec bites his bottom lip and looks at Magnus. His eyes are closed, but his face has recovered the light it was missing. Alec hugs his body tighter, bringing him closer to his chest, lining up their foreheads. There’s an almost inaudible intake of breath in the room, everybody stunned by the image in front of them: Alec’s long legs are stretched on the ground, supporting Magnus’ body, while his arms are all around him, holding tighter to Magnus’ jacket and staining it with blood in his own hands. Jace, Izzy and Clary can’t look away.

“Alec, he needs rest”, Dot says, almost afraid to break the moment.

Alec lifts his head and Jace can see his bottom lip trembling. “Yeah”, he just says, holding Magnus in his arms and standing up, carrying him.

Dot opens up a portal in front of them.

“I can’t believe I am the last one to know”, Jace says.

He meant to be mad, to almost make it sound childish, but both Izzy and Clary can only hear pain and regret. Jace is hurt, _really_ hurt.

“Jace”, Izzy says.

But he’s already crossing the portal behind Magnus and Alec.

-*-

They’re all in the loft. The Institute and the Clave have already been notified about Valentine’s death. The four shadowhunters and Magnus have been summoned by the Clave in order to testify about what happened, but that can wait.

Magnus is tucked up in bed with Alec sitting by his side, a constant worried expression on his face. Izzy, Jace and Clary are in the room as well, resting their bodies against the wall or the furniture.

“I need to go back to the Institute”, Clary says, “I heard Simon hurt his leg and people are probably freaking out about what happened… I’m not very useful here”

“Is Simon okay?”, Izzy asks, worried.

“Yeah, he’s with Raphael, he’s alright”, Clary says with a kind smile on his face.

Izzy nods and goes back to staring at his brother.

Clary brushes Jace’s arm when she turns away to leave.

“Clary!”, Alec says, startling her.

“Thank Dot for me, okay? We owe her one”, he says before.

Clary nods and disappears.

The air is suddenly filled with different emotions: worry, pain, relief, love. All coming for everybody in the room.

Magnus still hasn’t opened his eyes, but Alec _knows_ he will; he’d open them himself if he has to.

“How long has this been going on?”, Jace asks.

Alec turns his face away from Magnus and stares at him. There’s no anger or resent on his tone, but Jace asking about his love life isn’t something Alec had expected in a million years.

He shrugs, “a few months, I don’t know. Does it matter?”

“Why are you so defensive now?”

“Boys”, Izzy says.

Alec licks his lips as Jace crosses his arms in front of his chest.

“Sorry. Just… A few months”, Alec says.

“I just don’t understand why you wouldn’t tell me”

“I was going to, okay? I told Izzy just… Just hours ago, and I was going to tell you. Magnus was coming to the Institute and then Valentine happened”

Alec talks quickly – he doesn’t really want to relive what happened.

“I’m your brother, Alec, I just don—”

“I was scared, okay?! I am allowed to be scared, even if you don’t think I am” – Alec keeps his voice quiet, trying not to disturb Magnus, but there’s fierce in his voice, pain – “Magnus is the only real thing that’s ever happened to me since you two, and I was scared of losing him. Everybody seems to have a problem minding their own business and I wanted this relationship to be _our_ business… I was scared of you thinking I wasn’t being professional. This is important to me, Jace” – he says, turning his head to look at him in the eyes – “ _He_ is important to me”.

Jace uncrosses his arms and puts his palms against the wall, behind his body. He nods at Alec with a serious expression on his face, “I know. I felt it through the Parabatai rune. Maybe I… I _should’ve_ realized it sooner, Alec. I’m sorry I didn’t”

Alec grabs the sheets in a fist, feeling his heart pumping blood faster than before. He holds Jace’s stare and nods back at him, “I’m sorry I didn’t tell you. I should have”. He swallows and looks at Izzy, whose eyes are brighter. It’s all good.

“Is this an intervention? What have I possibly done?”

They all turn to Magnus when they hear those words. His voice doesn’t sound as strong as usual, but he seems just fine. The three shadowhunters even let a small smile bright their faces and enlighten the mood in the room. Of course it’s Magnus the one who has the power to do so.

“How are you feeling?”, Alec asks, straightening the sheets where he’s sitting next to him.

“I’ve been better”, he says with humor in his tone. He sees the worry on Alec’s forehead and reaches for his hand, “I’m fine”

Alec tightens the grip on his hand and almost forgets Izzy and Jace are still in the room. Magnus doesn’t, because he starts moving his body so he can sit properly on the bed.

“Magnus…”, Alec warns him, but he knows he won’t listen, so he just reaches for his back and helps him out.

“What happened with Valentine?”, he asks, looking at Jace and Izzy and still holding Alec’s hand under the sheets.

“He’s dead”, Izzy says.

Magnus nods and lets out the breath he didn’t know he was holding.

“Sorry I couldn’t help more”, he says.

“Are you kidding me? You were awesome! You guys should’ve seen him”, Izzy says proudly.

Alec smiles to himself and starts drawing tiny circles in Magnus’ right hand with his thumb.

“We better get going”, Jace says before straightening his shoulders. “We should go back to the Institute”

“You should go, too. You have responsibilities, Alexander”

Alec looks down at Magnus, almost in disbelief. He knows he should go back, he’s the Head of the Institute after all; but how could he leave Magnus here like this? He bites his bottom lip and looks up.

“Leaders delegate all the time. Jace, Izzy, please make sure everyone is okay and have everything they need if they aren’t. Let them know they’re protected and safe. I’ll deal with the Clave and… Probably mom, tomorrow. Okay?”

Izzy and Jace share a glance and smile slightly, knowing everything is under control. They both look at Alec and nod.

“I’ll call later to know how you two are doing, alright? Don’t ignore me”, Izzy says, pointing at Alec.

That makes both Magnus and Alec smile and nod before saying goodbye to the pair. The air is suddenly colder and the room grows comfortably silent.

Alec keeps brushing Magnus’ hand with his thumb, with his eyes lost in the bedroom floor. There are a million thoughts going on in his mind, but somehow he can’t say them out loud. There’s still a pressure in his chest that doesn’t let him breathe properly: when he lost sight of Magnus, all he could picture were his cat eyes closing when he blinked, he should’ve trusted his instinct, he should’ve been there with Magnus and Izzy and Clary.

“Stop torturing yourself, darling”

Alec wakes up from his thoughts and looks down at Magnus with a confused expression.

“I can hear you thinking”, he simply says.

Alec rolls his eyes but stares at Magnus. He sees his eyes focusing on his own hand and realizes it’s still almost covered in blood – _Magnus’ blood_.

The warlock looks up again and places a hand on Alec’s left cheek, “maybe you should get a shower, I think it would clear your mind”

Alec shakes his head, “I’m fine”

“Yeah, sure. Alexander, go get a shower. It’s not like I’m going to ran away anytime soon”

That was supposed to make him laugh, but Magnus doesn’t even get a smile out of him. Instead, he reaches for him and leaves the ghost of a kiss on his forehead before getting up and going to the bathroom to have a cold shower.

He undresses himself and enters the shower, letting the water clean the blood in his hands and the messed up thoughts in his brain. Turns out, water can clean up his hands – but it can’t make him feel any better, any less anxious about the whole situation. Alec has to press his fists against the cold shower wall to calm himself down, to not let the tears go down. He won’t give in now.

He turns the shower off and gets out of it, putting on a pair of black boxers, some sweatpants and a grey short-sleeved shirt. Instead of going back to the bedroom, he goes to the kitchen and gets some water, bread and cheese. He puts it all in a tray and heads to the room.

Magnus is still in the same position he left him in. “I got you something to eat and some water, you must be starving”, Alec says, sitting down next to him and putting the tray between their bodies.

Magnus looks at him and decides to just let out a quiet “thank you”. He takes a long sip of water, but convinces Alec to eat the bread and cheese; he isn’t hungry.

“Do you want to talk about it?” Magnus says once Alec has put the tray down.

Alec pouts, clearly thinking about it. He turns to look at Magnus, “do you?”

Magnus laughs, “Alexander, I—”

“You almost died. In my arms. Like a fucking cliché movie. You’re the one supposed to outlive me”

Alec’s words leaves Magnus stunned. Alec can be harsh and cold, he can get angry and be stubborn about what he believes it’s the truth. But he has never seen him quite like this; it’s not anger or stubbornness: it’s pain, _fear_. He swallows the sudden lamp in his throat and looks down at the sheets. For the first time since he’s met Alec, he doesn’t know how to respond, how to approach him. There’s a thick tension between them, one full of words Magnus should say, but can’t find.

He looks up and brings his palm to Alec’s cheek, making the younger boy close his hands and reach for the contact. When he opens his eyes again, they’re brighter than before.

“ _I am_ going to outlive you. That pain belongs to me and will always belong to me”

He doesn’t know if those are the right words, but he forgets about it when Alec reaches for his body, taking him in a tight embrace that lasts for minutes. None of them want to let go, to confront each other’s stare again, to think about the inevitable – or the unexpected. In the end, they feel brave enough to do it and let go of each other’s bodies enough to crash their lips together in a warm kiss – a kiss that turns more heated the moment their teeth and tongues clash together.

They lose track of time, trying to let go of all the feelings and thoughts that can’t quite let them enjoy the present, the mere moment of life and love they’re experiencing. At the end of the day, this is just another hurtful and touching test, another reminder this is life and this is the way you should live it if you want to feel you’re _living_ it. They’re going to be okay, they always are.

“Take off your clothes”, Magnus says, letting go of Alec’s lips.

“I don’t think we should—”

“It’s not that”, Magnus says, almost laughing, “just take them off and lie here with me”

Alec gives him one more kiss before getting up and undressing himself. He remembers the first time he took off his clothes in front of him, the first time they were ready _for the first time_. He remembers not being unsure or afraid, not even unconscious, yet a bit shaken by the novelty of the situation. Now it’s familiar and warm, now it’s an everyday thing. Now it’s _home_.

He loses the shirt over his head and lets go of the sweatshirts, leaving the boxers on. He gets into bed, reaching for the sheets, at the same time Magnus struggles to lie down.

“Shh, let me help”, Alec says, tucking the pillows for Magnus and reaching for his hand, to make it easier for him.

After some minutes, they’re together under the sheets, lost in each other: Alec rests his head on Magnus’ chest, trying not to press to hard and hurt him. Now the silence is comfortable and peaceful.

Alec touches Magnus’ torso up and down, but the moment he reaches for his stomach, he stops, laying his hand flat on his body. Magnus looks down.

“It’s weird, isn’t it? Hours ago my hand was here, almost holding you together. And now there’s no blood, there’s nothing – not even a scar”. Magnus frowns, but Alec keeps talking, “I’m used to seeing it on my body, to seeing scars appear and suddenly disappear – but now it feels different. My mind can’t let go of the image of your blood in my hands, of the fresh wound on your stomach – yet your body has already forgotten”

Magnus holds his body tighter, pressing it to himself and shuddering at Alec’s words.

“I tend to forget we’re still human – in a way”

“Hey”, Magnus says, laying his hand on Alec’s collarbones and making him look up, “let’s enjoy it, then”, he simply says.

Alec doesn’t quite know what Magnus means with that, but he doesn’t care. “I love you”, he says, instead.

Magnus smiles and closes his eyes for a couple of seconds. When he opens them, his real eyes stare at Alec, “I love y—”

“I mean it. I love you”, Alec says, not letting Magnus say it back. “ _I love you_ ”

There’s a sincerity in Alec’s tone that makes Magnus both cold and hot inside, like a Molotov cocktail.

He presses his nose against Alec’s and holds him with both hands on his cheeks, almost pressing too hard, “I love you too, Alexander. I love you, I do”

It’s cheesy and fairytale-ish. They’re aware of that. It feels like a movie, but it also feels way too real for it to be fiction. It hurts and it feels amazing, and they both know this is the kind of feeling grownups once told them about when they were kids, the kind of feeling that makes you stupid and the greatest hero of all time – all at the same time. Magnus wants to tell Alec this love is making his mind go crazy and his legs weak, he wants to say it’s scary and intoxicating, it’s furious and fast, and also slow and a burning candle. But he doesn’t know how, he doesn’t know how to say those words out loud and not feel almost too human.

They kiss one more time and Alec watches Magnus close his eyes, knowing that, _this time_ , they’ll be opening up in a few hours – and he’ll be there to see it happen.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> So, what do you think? Sorry about the angst, that scenario with Jace came up in my mind in a weird day and I was excited to go with it. 
> 
> Thank you so much for reading and for the support. You’re all so kind. xx


End file.
